Dear UK consulate office,
Go straight to hell. Do not pass go, do not collect ANYTHING. For denying my visa and being impossible to reach in order to explain the situation, we are no longer friends. I hope you choke on my non-refundable application fee.
How have you been? Me too. Listen, I’m sending this to you because I’m a hopeless romantic. You remember Hannah? Yes, that one you idiot. Yea well remember how you fell for her right before you left the country for a year? Yea that just happened to me. Well I’m glad you had fun in Scotland but this is serious! I’m upset over here. I just wrote a really long essay about it. Hey, it’s not that bad. Well, you can go to hell you elitist bastard.
Regards from the past,